Am I the only one who misses Joan Crawford?

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times my stomach and ass suffer from deja vù.

What the hell was I thinking?

If you have a tampon stuck behind your ear, you'd better worry about where your pencil is.

Can you ever take the Catholic out of the boy?

My love life has had so many twists and turns they named a ride after me at Great America.

"Mommy! Mommy! Can we please go on the Bill VanPatten Rocky Relationship Ride? It's sooooo scary!"

"Now, now, dear. You remember what happened when we went on the Jennifer Lopez Ride. You threw up on the Ben Affleck turn."